• Controlling behavior - has something to say about everything you do

• Calls you names

• Criticizes your appearance

• Criticizes you in front of others, humiliates you

• Jealousy - accusations of infidelity - constant suspicion

• Isolation - makes it hard for you to see or talk to friends, family, co-workers

• Animal abuse - hurts to kill family pets to get at you or the children

• Makes you do illegal things (steal, buy drugs, prostitute)

• Leaves you "stranded" away from home (drives away)

• Locks you out of your home

• Pattern of lying and manipulation - keeps you off balance

• Threatens to get you in trouble with CPS, probation, employment

• Threatens to take your kids, file for custody

• Scares/intimates your friends

• Does not permit you any privacy - goes through your purse, opens your mail

• Keeps track of mileage on the car

• Takes your keys, won't let you "have" car

• Controls your access to phone, computer

• Eavesdrops, listens in on your private conversations, "spies" on you

• Humiliates you in public or private - yells at or criticizes you in front of others

• Constant blaming behavior

• Scares you constantly and unexpectedly (destabilizing)

• Trivializes your accomplishments, mocks you, insults you

• Won't let you go to school (or makes it hard, disrupts your efforts)

• Won't let you go to work (or makes it hard, disrupts your efforts)

• Makes you look bad with families & friends, implies troubles are "your fault"

• Disrupts your authority with the children

• Encourages children to disrespect you

• Tells kids "bad things" about you

• Tells kids to say bad things to you

• Controls your behavior by threatening punishment to children

• Expects you to let him know where you are at all times

Stalking

• Follows you

• Shows up at your job

• Calls your friends, employers

• Checks up on you

• Calls you repeatedly wherever you are

• “lurks” around your place of residence

• Follows the children

• “keeps tabs” on you

• Seems to show up wherever you go

• Breaks household items

• Breaks furniture

• Damages/destroys walls, doors, locks, windows of your home

• Destroys objects of personal value to you

• Damages/destroys your clothing

• Sabotages/disables your car

Sexual

• It is never OK to say “No”

• Forced sex

• Forces types of sex acts you don’t want to do

• Sex in places where you don’t want to have it (outdoors, in vehicles, etc.)

• Makes you have sex with others

• Makes you watch sex with others

• Give you unwanted hickeys (to show you’re “taken”)

• Sexual advances toward your children

• Sexual abuse of your children

• “Punishes” you when you say No (through attitude, behavior, or physically)

• Impregnates you against your will

Habitual Substance abuse (alcohol, drugs, prescription meds):  while substance abuse does not “cause” domestic violence, persons who are active and habitual substance abusers are much more likely to be abusive in a relationship.

Criminal History:  Again, while having a criminal history does not “cause” domestic violence, persons with a criminal offense background (DWI, robbery, assault, weapons charges, drug charges, domestic violence against previous partners) are more likely to be abusive in a relationship. 

Unemployment: 

Batterers frequently have a history of being long term or habitually unemployed.  Chronic unemployment may be a red flag.

Any combination of the above two factors, and especially all three together, are strong predictors of the potential for abuse in a relationship.

-          It does not have to be physical to be violence.

-          It does not have to be violence to be abuse.